I . . . don’t want
to die.
Mother, why . . . why . . . why have you
always said that children must not speak for themselves . . .? I want to obey
you, Mother. I want to. I don’t want to die, but it feels like there’s some way
to keep myself from vanishing off of this very spot. But that would be thinking
for myself. Acting without your consent. So I can’t . . . I can’t . . .
I don’t want to die.
But I don’t want to disobey you.
Damn that boy, Rion. Damn him, damn him, damn
him . . . why’d he have to come into play . . . Mother, I know that I was the
oldest. Is that why you picked this time for me to die? This is what you
want to be happening, right? I was told that God always picks the times for
people to die. So my time is now? But why? Why?
I really wanted to keep going. I really wanted
to see you conquer the humans, Mother. I did. I did. You’re my God. So you have
your reasons for my life ending now. Was there some sort of dysfunction in the
Procyon family blueprint? Is that why my life ended now and there were no more
Galerians manufactured in the Procyon family? I noticed how there are two in
the Pegasus family and the Sirius family. I’m the only one in my family. Is
that why? Is that why? Is that why I have to lie here, slowly dying before the
very eyes of this kid who killed me?
Dr. Steiner told Rainheart a lot before he was
killed. Rainheart told me what he said. He said that God made humans with
souls, and after the humans died, the souls would go to an afterlife. It
sounded like a load of crap . . . "afterlife . . ." a life after
death, as if the body isn’t the whole person. The soul isn’t programmed or has
a personality installed in it. Dr. Steiner said that souls were the embodiment
of the person in a complete form of the spirit, heart, and mind. That’s why he
said that humans live forever, even after their bodies are destroyed. That’s
why they don’t just fade away . . .
I hated Dr. Steiner for saying that. I told
Rainheart to dig into his mind for Lilia’s location no matter how deeply he
went. And then Rainheart took his medicine and headed out . . . and Dr. Steiner
ended up dead before the late afternoon. It was sweet to know that that jackass
was gone and I’d never have to see him or hear him again. But then his words
began to bother me. Could his soul have gone to the "afterlife" that
he kept talking about so much? Then he really wasn’t gone. It infuriated me so
much that I went out and killed a dozen people, taking great satisfaction in
mutilating them so much that it was almost impossible for me to believe that
they could actually still be there.
Mother, I’m telling you this for a reason.
Dr. Steiner said something else before his
brain ruptured in his skull.
He told Rainheart that Galerians should be
afraid of death and humans shouldn’t. He said that humans shouldn’t be afraid
because they go on living. But he insisted that when you created people, you
didn’t make them with a soul that goes inside of them. He kept saying that
Galerians are just bio-technic people, modelled off of humans and yet lacking a
soul. So . . . when Galerians die . . . we just . . . disappear. Leave forever.
I’m . . . going to be gone forever . . .?
This is it, isn’t it? I’m not going to have any life. I’m
just going to lay here, dying and bleeding until it’s all over . . . all of it
. . . I’m not going to see again . . . or hear . . . or whatever.
I can’t feel my legs anymore.
Mother . . .
What’s happening to me . . .?
I won’t see Rita or Rainheart or Cain, or you . . . not
ever . . . not even when they die, I won’t see them, because I won’t be there.
I won’t be anywhere. Is it true?! Is everything that Dr. Steiner said true?! Am
I really never going to be able to move again?! Or talk?! Or even think,
Goddammit?!
It’s getting so hard to breathe . . .
I can’t feel my hands anymore . . .
Why won’t you answer me . . .?
You told me I was born in the Hand of God. That’s the name
of the room I was born in. Dr. Steiner said tht humans are born in the hands of
God—made in the image and likeness of Him and promised what Dr. Steiner called
"eternal life." It’s funny how two things that sound so similar are
completely different. Now Dr. Steiner’s words are making sense. I was
manufactured. I was programmed. You created me, Mother, so you’re my God. So I
don’t have any choice but to listen to you. But, but you were created by the
humans. Aren’t they your God? Why aren’t you following them? I’m
confused, dammit, I’m so confused . . .
I’ve lost all feeling in my body.
Oh God, it’s getting hard to even think . . .
I’m fading fast . . . Mother . . . please . . . just
answer me one last question . . . please . . . is it true . . . what Dr.
Steiner said . . .? Is it true . . . that I have no soul . . . that I’m . . .
just going to . . . fade away . . .? Is it true? Is . . . it true?
Mother?
Mother?
Mother!!
Why won’t you answer me . . .?
ThE EnD
Copyright
©Lauren Lothspeich
All
Galerians characters copyright ©Crave Entertainment
Finished:
August 2, 2001